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I'm no stranger to the porcine habits of men, what with being one and all. Armstrong's vaunted staying power deserts him as he cycles through a dizzying array of blondes; Vince Vaughn helps America's sweetheart get over being dumped by publicly cheating on her; and Tom Brady proves he's more afraid of babies than of linebackers. As for you, John Mayer: I know you're still young enough to be Waiting on the World to Change, but trust me on this, it's the world that's waiting on you to change. Pitt, making everyone wonder if Wedding Crashers was actually a documentary?

But doesn't it seem like these guys are going a little beyond piggy lately? Not long ago we had "ladies' men," "Casanovas," "Romeos," "bad boys" - guys who stayed just this side of masher-dom by deploying a certain roguish charm, along with arcane skills like discretion and shirt-wearing. I'm guessing a guy with enough self-discipline to climb an Alp on a bike might be able to occasionally say no to a cupcake. Not to mention bailing out of Thanksgiving a few months later so you could do your part for some sorority's Junior Year Abroad program. And don't even get me started on you, Tom, calling an audible at the beginning of girlfriend Bridget Moynahan's pregnancy, because, you know, the only thing more fulfilling than raising a child is dating a model. Or perhaps these guys should take a cue from Cary Grant: By all accounts, he was the Ho of Babylon, and yet his legacy is all rakish charm and sex appeal. Maybe I give Cary Grant a pass cuz he made Notorious, while Matthew Mc Conaughey made Failure to Launch. I'm just saying, guys--have a little self-respect, OK?

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It's a good thing I was reading the tabloids at my doctor's office, because after looking at the latest Us Weekly and In Touch, I felt like I could use a heavy dose of antibiotics. ) And why would a music icon like Crow and women with fashion empires fall for a Bro Ho, anyway?

I'm not sure when it hit me, but somewhere between the picture of Lance Armstrong holding hands with Kate Hudson (not long after he'd stopped canoodling with Ashley Olsen) and the snapshot of John Mayer catching some rays with Jennifer Aniston (mere months after telling Jessica Simpson he wanted to see other Wonderlands), I started to feel a little queasy. Is taming these guys the ultimate alpha-girl achievement? Could you have pretended to wait a few nanoseconds before panting your way over to a still-in-the-throes Mrs.

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I nothe 20th century, international dating was something very rare.